She had a Snake for a Pet, and an Amulet

My trip to Portland

We decided to fly Southwest, the cheap airline. They have this thing, it’s like a savings club, of proud penny pinchers. We entered their terminal, yes, they have their own. A tall guy with a large mustache says an emphatic HI! to me as if saying, Welcome to Southwest, join our family… Discover what we’re all about. I was impressed, for a moment. But it’s kind of rough here.

If you are on a “C” section, and for some reason, my wife and I always are, you’ll have to grab the first seat you see. It’s like a game of musical chairs. There is a long line to enter the plane, and a man with a guitar is being asked to leave for some unknown reason. I step through the doorway of destiny, with the right foot first, always. The first class people look at us poor commoners as if saying “move along suckers, go on to the back.” I think they spend that extra money just for that. It’s half the pleasure for them.

Airplanes are strange machines of denial. A bunch of chairs are strapped to a metal tube, and it’s flying through the air powered by giant fans. We know it’s crazy and impossible, but for that moment, we trust that everything will be okay and we get in anyway.

I found a place right in the middle of the three-seat row. A few rows now separate me from my wife. At the window to…